Seek peace and pursue it.
I am ready for a new season in my life. For the past couple of years, I have been walking in a season of grief. Between death and loss, there have been waves of grief that have encompassed my life in such a way that it seems as if I have been in this place forever.
Grief has a way of sneaking up on you, even when you know it’s coming. It’s like a wave that you can see far out in the distance. You know it’s on it’s way, you brace yourself, thinking you are secure and upright. But the wave, it sucks the air out of your lungs when it hits, taking along with it precious parts of your heart. What’s left in that space can either cripple you, or sustain you. I’m so thankful for a love that sustains.
Sustaining love. That’s what has gotten me through this past season of grief. The kind of love that picks you back up off the ground after you have fallen down, again. The kind of love that takes those moments that you have lost, those memories you treasure, and places them on a shelf alongside your redemption. They are there, just out of reach, except for the love that connects you. We know that there will be a time where things will be ok, our hearts will be mended and the memories won’t be so raw. We also know that one day, there will be no more tears and no more sorrow. But those things don’t always resonate with today. Today, when we have to walk through this hard life, alone and full of pain. Yet, there is a promise that lays within our midst, if we are quiet enough to hear it’s voice. Deliverance. Salvation. Peace. Encamped among us, stubborn in its recklessness. Overwhelming and steadfast.
“Seek peace and pursue it.”
If only it were that easy. Only if I could. Only if I had the ability to grasp hold of peace and never let it go, grief would subside. Tears would stop and brokenness would be relieved. Peace, as if it were something tangible that I could acquire through my toil. How can I arrive at a place where peace is restored and rest is found?
“I am the peace maker. Pursue me.”
Still and small yet encompassing and overwhelming. The peace maker. He is the answer to where my peace lies. He is the answer to the season of grief. He is already near, as the promise of my brokenness also promises his presence. Yet I have pushed him away like I have so many others, for fear of more loss. His pursuit of me, constant and pressing, is now undeniable. In my stubbornness he has proven more stubborn. In my distance he has proven faithful. Undeserving and afflicted, I reach up for the tenderness being offered and I find something I wasn’t expecting. Rest. He saves the crushed in spirit. He is near to the broken hearted. He is.
Seek peace and pursue it. There is only one way. One way out of this season of grief, through the undeniable, uncontainable, indescribable. One way. He beckons and pursues, and longs for us to do the same.